Do I want to live alone?

Do I want to live alone?

Are you like me? A person who crave time totally alone from time to time to thrive? A person who loves your family and struggle within because you almost die because of lack of time on your own?

I think this is an issue really important to address. This has nothing to do with the people around you. This is a part of your personality.

Firstly, drop the guilt part. This is who you are. There is nothing wrong with this personality trait. On the contrary, I believe it is very important to accept and honor this part of ourselves. To explore it deeper, to really go within and curiosly watch it. Because if you shut it down you will probably become frustrated without knowing what's wrong with you.

Involve the people around you. Explain to your partner, friends and family how important this is to you. How much you love them but how important it is for you to have your space. I once talked to a couples counselor and she sad that one of the hardest things in relationships is to express our own needs. But when we don't express our needs we will most certainly be unhappy.  Some of us will be bitter, others angry or frustrated. And honestly, is that the person you want to be in a relationship? Isn't it better to be honest and express your needs and desires? Expressing our needs and desires doesn't mean that we always can fulfill them. But if we never express them we will certainly never fulfill them.

When I was a child I witnessed myself 'leaving' my girlfriends because I felt suffocated when they wanted to spend all their time with me. Instead of telling how I felt I cut the bond and ran away.

There is an accepted idea around that men need time on their own but women don't. That women wish to be taken care of. That misunderstanding can create problems in a relationship. I know that I'm not the only woman who feels that she is desperatly longing for time on her own. To recharge. To be able to give again. Especially when she has become a mother. Because honestly, if we never recharge we will  not be able to give.

And another important thing to be aware of is that this need for time on your own might trick you into believing that you shouldn't be in a relationship. This thought has crosssed my mind. What is wrong with me? Who wants to be away from her partner if she loves him? But these two things have nothing to do with eachother. It is totally possible to want time on your own when you are a part of a family. To nurture yourself. To fullfill your own needs for a while. Not everybody elses.

And if you are the partner of a person who craves time on her own? The wisest thing is to give him or her that. Because the more you attach yourself to your partner, wanting for her to spend more time with you the less she will enjoy your company. But if you provide her with as much space that she needs she will bounce back to you. And yes, this might sound scary. What if I let go and he or she doesn't come back? I want to spend more time with my partner, not less. This letting go scares me! Well to you I would love to say, give it a try. Give him or her the space. Be clear in your communication. Okey, I will give you some time on your own. How much do you need? How can I support your needs?  If this doesn't work you can always go back to the old way but unless you try you will never know, right?

So the answer to the question is: I do not want to live alone. I thrive in relations but I need my space within.

I hope this will encourage everybody out there to respect and honor your needs.